it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
