I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize