My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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