Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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