the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
