And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
