she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
