After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize