what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
did i just pee glitter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
