I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
