I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
