we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
