Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
whose parrot is this?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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