Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
