Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
