if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
