Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
