my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
