At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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