the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
