Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
