so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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