I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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