he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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