Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
