you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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