Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
