**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
