he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
