I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
