i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize