Do you still have your period?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
