I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
