i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize