My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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