Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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