Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
