Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
