capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
