having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
