i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
