last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
