You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
