My pussy is not your playground.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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