As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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