apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
