Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
