I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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