She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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