sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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