i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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