shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
