You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
