we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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