Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
