watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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