my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
