So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
