Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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