I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
