the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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