if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Randomize
