you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
