it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
