i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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