We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize