Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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