last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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