i barfeds in our rink
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
