Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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