this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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