I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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