I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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