a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
