How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize