they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
