Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize