Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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