Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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