Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
