I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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