guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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