I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
