She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
