Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His nipple licking is glorious
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