So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
