i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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