i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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