i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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