she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
