dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
