I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
