Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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