Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize