I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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