Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
