hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
