There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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