$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
