the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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