Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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