i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
