I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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