dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
