how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
