We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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