i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
