I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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