If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
